The simple reality is that I'm a 26 year old man with a fiance and a dog. The simple reality is that I'm at least 4 1/2 hours away from any family members eventhough it wasn't until the storm that I was really focused on family. That's sad. For the second year I won't be able to afford any Christmas gifts but to add insult to injury this will be the first Christmas that I've ever experienced in which I will be the only human (I'll have my dog and "Ms. B's" dog) in this apartment. I don't know what else to say or what else to do.
Today was supposed to be my day off but I decided to go into work because you never know when you may need a little bit of extra money. I didn't stop running around the store, yet I can barely remember what I did. This job stresses me out, makes my hair turn grey and fall out all at the same time. I've been waiting on a phone call from someone--anyone that can help to rectify this feeling that I've been having as far as being a failure in life. All I need is the opportunity to prove myself. I've been given the opportunity and at times I wonder if I'm meant to be at Sam's Club standing in blood and chicken seasoning for an extended period of time. One could say that I'm not thankful for what I have and to this I firmly disagree. I appreciate the fact that my manager took a chance on me but I resent the fact that I was almost demoted based on nothing. As of today, the professional relationship is o.k., I am more than likely the most intelligent and reserved individual in 4763 (not saying this in a bragging manner) because as of this evening I realized that subconciously I've been compensating intellectually for what I feel that I lack physically. "I may be fatter than you but I'm also smarter than you."
It's crazy, when I sat at the computer this evening I had ever intention on looking for a job due to the fact that "locks" that I've have seemingly broken leaving doing something in which I'm unappreciated, underpaid, and overlooked.
Oh well, once again I'm drawn to the thoughts in which I should be appreciative for what I have and I am indeed appreciatived, but true to form I just want more. I don't want to be broke for Christmas. If I could afford to do everything for everybody I'd be great.
February 17 is quickly approaching. The problems lie wherein I am unable to afford a lot of stuff that goes along with "the big day."
I have a lot to do.
Good night and good luck.
