The other day for no reason at all, I thought back to a conversation I had with my father some years back. I asked him what would he die for, his response, "...my family and freedom..." It took me some time to actually think about it. Freedom. Freedom. That's a word that's just thrown about like it's nothing. I guess since I was born into a time that freedom was no longer something that was being fought so fervently for I don't know his struggles. I don't know about seeing "Whites Only" signs or staying up at night to make sure the Ku Klux Klan doesn't come to burn down the house. It wasn't so much that he'd die for the freedom of night being a slave or anything of that nature as much as he'd die for the freedom to live.
At this point in my life I am so sick of Texas living that I'm ready to walk back to Louisiana, the problem is that I have just a little bit too much pride. I can't go back home because I'll feel as though I've failed at being on my own. "I couldn't make it in Texas so I tucked my tail and ran back home to Louisiana." That's that bullshit.
I miss Louisiana on a daily basis. I miss how people would speak, I miss the accents, the slang, the hospitality, the way no matter where you went there was always a Mr. John except his name was pronounced a little different. Everybody knew their grandparents and their address. The Greater New Orleans Metro Area was a place where you couldn't go too far without bumping into somebody's cousin and you could see your entire family and stop to get a snowball in less than an hour. It's the simple things.
Well, I've been called "The Jack of All Trades" and a "Renaissance Man" and now I can add another moniker to that. Tomorrow I start training to be a butcher, or the PC term of meat cutter.
I don't have anyone to talk to about the stuff that I enjoy. It's crazy because I've been reduced to calling everyone. I'm used to walking to everyone's house and sitting or standing outside and "just shooting the jibba jabba." There is no one in Sugar Land (that I know of) that I can talk to about things that I enjoy and they will say me too. There is no one I can say "Wanna shoot..." to. Therefore I write or rather type. I type to alleviate my desire to discuss things. I'm still looking for that venue on which I can run and jump and shoot and throw and catch. I've grown accustomed to lifting by myself which isn't always the best thing since I've gotten stuck a few times.
I'm still shooting for a 350 bench press max sometime next year. I've got work to do though. I think that's one of my goals in life.
Depression is a son of a bitch. I've been told that I need to talk to a professional about the thoughts I have and the way I feel about my past, but hey if bottling everything up is what works then I'll continue to do so. My anger is my fuel. My depression is my accelerator. I need both of them to keep going. The more I write I'm beginning to enjoy being a person that only vaguely discusses his feelings. Hell, it doesn't make sense to bring it up anyway because not too many people will even understand what I'm talking about.
"I've been working this grave shift and I ain't made shit I wish could buy me a spaceship and fly past the sky"
"You're either slanging crack rock or you got a wicked jumpshot"
I know it's spontaneous but that's how I feel from time to time. What makes those who get their's "the ski mask way" successful? What makes them unsuccessful? The life of a criminal isn't just one that has caught the eye of children, it has also caught the eye of a college graduate, but hey I'm not crazy. I'll keep my gun in the nightstand. Like a police officer once told me, "You know what...you're too smart to go to jail." I'm a beast with the brain.
I know I'm not the only person to make a list of things they'd like to do in life but I wonder how many others want to do such off-the-wall things.
1. Climb a few mountain
2. Drive on the autobahn
3. purchase an exotic car
4. buy a house and/or cars for my parents
5. buy a car or truck for Ms. Burton
6. re-train "fat momma"
7. get "fat momma" a playmate
8. start a pr firm
9. start a photography studio
10. bench press over 300 lbs.
11. go deep sea diving
12. go to south Africa to watch the great whites jump
13. go on an expedition in a foreign country
14. start my center/program in Jefferson parish
15. go skydiving
16. buy my motorcycle
17. run 10 miles
18. get over my fear of water
19. get more tattoos
20. work on being a better uncle, son, husband, and brother.
21. visit the andes
22. visit Nepal
23. go deep sea fishing
24. go on a road-trip with len
25. organize some type of family event for/on birchfield
26. get my masters
27. get my ph.d
28. send my parents back to school
29. Do my "man room"
30. gain national recognition for something positive i.e., helping a community
31. build a new house on "Big Momma's" land
32. drive or ride cross country
33. Visit each of the 50 states
34. Completely customize a car or truck
35. buy a 1964 lincoln continental and restore it
36. go to a Florida State football game while Bobby is the coach.
37. go to a Michigan football game while Lloyd is the coach
38. go to a Steelers football game while Bill is the coach
39. go to a Buccaneers football game will Jon is the coach
40. visit Canton, OH
