Forgotten

I just have one question, "Why does God seemingly hate me?" A lack of success can make a person have more faith, but for those who have faith and still lack success it doesn't create more faith, it destroys it. I have no idea what to do. I would like to live MY LIFE, not what other people want. I can dress myself, not necessarily the way I want. I get into a truck that I settled for, leave an apartment that I settled for, in a city that I settled for, and drive to a job that I settled for. No one understands. I'm so damn tired of people saying, "I understand what you're going through." No you don't. At times, I'm just tempted to get in my truck with my dog, empty my bank account, that's right all $5, and disappear somewhere in this country. I'd leave my cellphone and just go. That would be something that I wanted to do...finally. Other days, I ponder on whether or not I should take the "ho way" out and use my .45. It would make things a lot easier but also a lot messier. Not to mention, no one would be around to take care of my dog. I know that is a harsh statement, but I feel like I'm more of a draining factor on individuals than a positive. I feel like my dog is the only that can't say TOO MUCH negative about me. My parents, "He's a good son, but we're sick of giving him money. He's essentially a failure." My sisters, "He's a decent brother and missing uncle, that doesn't have two pennies to rub together. He's essentially a failure." My dog, "He's a pretty cool human, but I really wish I had a yard. Running up and down the hallway doesn't get it. He's essentially a failure." My fiance, "He's nice. He's funny. I'm tired of having to pay for stuff. I'm tired of things not being 50/50. I always have to come up off more, I guess that's because I have more. I'm engaged to a failure." The way I feel is, the second I look back towards the sky for guidance, support, something, I'll probably get some bird crap in my eye. This isn't cursing God. You can't really curse someone that has seemingly forgotten about you.